तन्हा

"तन्हा मन में उमड़े खयालों को, 

सच होने का दिलासा तो चाहिए|

हर पल मरती ये तन्हा साँसों को, 

जीने का सबब तो चाहिए|"

Why do you not understand

that your absence asphyxiates me?

I will lie here waiting for you

unless I am throttled and  stifled to death,

robbed of the fresh air your presence will bring along.

Disjointed and disconnected thoughts of you

hit me like spasmodic jolts of an accident!

But they refuse to liberate my seraphic and gullible mind

off their unruly waywardness!  

These bewildered thoughts have never made sense

but they have dis-quietened my senses

to only fuel my thirst for you! 

The exasperated waters of your thoughts have tempted

the tranquil blue ocean within me.

Will you never come to content these liquid thoughts of yours

which characteristically occupy my mind?

Wherever I go, however may be.

Come and drink down these waters

down the profundity of your dazzling auburn eyes

and watch me go anesthetized

on my first glance at you!

You have led me to commit a certain sweet crime...

So today, I stand culpable in the court of love.

My heart is already chained with the shackles of your sinful love!

I’m imprisoned already, don’t you see?

A million convicts of love must’ve lived and perished,

but if love as an offense was codified

I promise I would’ve created an everlasting precedent!

I yearn to breathe the same air as you do

and feel the periwinkle  breeze which has just gushed

across your undone  black hair.

I wish to witness the darkness of the night

becoming lighter with the rising rays of the wicked sun

with my head eased on your denim lap.

One day, I want to you believe that since love, like truth hurts,

it is as untainted as truth itself.

I look out for you, like clouds roaming endlessly

in search of disdainful mountains!

I am drowned in your love,

like the sun gone down the crimson horizon

amidst the lofty mountain ranges!

Sometimes, I want to be an intoxicant

and pour myself down an endless wineglass for you to drink

and go tipsy in my sensation!

I dream of you standing underneath my window and serenading me.

Then, like a Romeo you scale the side of my house

and we share a mischievous moonlit moment on the ledge.

Oh! But that can be hazardous and extremely dangerous.

I think you should just knock on my front door instead

and come marching in like a man.

But I am so silly that I’m longing for your presence!

When you’ll come around, I know,

you’ll be nothing more exciting than an old pair of leather shoe

and choose to not pronounce a word to me.

In response to all the things I’ll say or do

you’ll just give a lanky nod or pass a smile at me.

Your asymmetrical, lopsided and demented smile

which has made me fall flat for you.

I say, kill me with your words, but for unknown reasons

you choose silence instead!

This inadvertent awkward silence you create

makes me spin a warped web of thoughts

of an absurd chain reaction which start so easily.

It is perhaps from the last word you utter or

from the heart shaped pattern of your coffee froth.

You fill my mind with abstract associations.

They seem like exiguous, inconsequential images

which I’ve never been able to understand!

It is in these stupid silences, that

my heart beats like a bass against my nervous breast!

In the times when you are so close to me,

I can feel it throb and hear it thump so loud.

Sometimes, you speak and break the quietude 

and then, your sugar soaked voice can be heard

like the melody of full lips against a microphone!

Can’t you see that I’m tired?

Tired of the lonely mornings, the hopeless yearnings!

The futile attempts at conjuring some fatal elusive respite

of seeing the lights fade away in trepidations and palpitations

Its evening now and everything repeats..

in reverse order!

I think it’s time to realize,

that there is a pain that doesn’t hurt!

I long for the day,

when somewhere amid those frosty winter boulevards

and the sweltry living rooms...

Between the coldness of my bosom and the warmth of your body,

would lie a confession, slightly slanting perhaps.

I know, mystic revelations can seldom be made conveniently and dextrously!

In the radical muteness of the ebony night,

between you and me, just may be, and the twinkling stars

you’ll unveil the awaited truth

which will tell me the mystery behind your closing eyes

whenever you smile..

There will be a yawning asymmetry

between what you want to say and the real words that you allow.

Don’t you worry because then, I’ll calmly step in

between your shaky courage and the real words

and sing confessions of love out to you.

I will blush a warm color of crimson

as the rich city will sleep with empty streets.

Where there was tears and blood once

that moonless night, there will be music.

There will be nothing which will come between you and me.

Not anymore!