"I look back to smile because it happened!"
I have loved to sit on the rocks by the lakeside and enjoy the waters. On an average day when the sun is yellow, the birds chirp out and the breeze is sweet, the waters have been tranquil and speechless. They’ve almost never roared like the lethal sea waves in violent turbulence. The flow has been staid and steadfast,vigilant of their rhythm.
Like time.
As far as I can remember, I have always tossed pebbles in the waters in the delight of watching the ripples form. The ripples have taught me the doctrine of travelling back in time. From their origin to termination, they travel ceaselessly and steadily. I sometimes wonder what is it that the newly formed ripple owes to the old one which just vanished?
Existence.
Subsistence.
It’s in the womb of an old ripple is the new one borne. The mother ripple dies to give birth to a new ripple and the lineage continues unless a certain obstruction comes and entire bloodline is perished. However, the rule continues: the dead is forgotten, the dead is non-cognizable and the dead is not be asked for! Since young, it was watching the new ripples form which delighted me. The vanishing ripple was significant till it reproduced another of its kind.
Like past-time.
Time is essentially an observed phenomenon of inter-connected entities, known as seconds. Like the ripples in a lake it too is a system of sequential relation of events. A second died is a second born. This is to say that if there isn’t a past, there can be no present, or future. That today’s existence is a borrowed yesterday. Time, like the ripples of the lake have taught me that there can be no moving ahead without looking back!
I’ve rejoiced to reverse the arrow of time to travel back and recapitulate the little some-things which came and went in a flash! I love to travel back to the strangest of thoughts for the oddest of reasons, sometimes just out of the reminiscence of nostalgia. Past is a diverse actuality and that’s what makes looking back so charming. Memories of smiles, tears, laughter, cries, joys etc, they all come in a singular basket of choice. For once, you can overcome your present state of mind by choosing to look back on moments which erupted a feeling you wish to sense. You rule sovereignty over your feelings and govern them and it’s not destiny’s suit you follow! Looking back with satisfaction is like living twice.
I’ve loved the limitations looking back put you in! You can’t go back in time to turn things round. A fragile heart-broken, a best friend gone, a race not won, an examination failed, a treasured watch cracked, a perfect dress torn or a favourite earring stolen! All you can do is stop, stare back and admire yourself for acing those instances so wizardly! It gives you the serenity to accept things the way they’ve been but it also gives you the courage to change things you can in the present. Looking back makes you believe that if you could do it once, you can surely out do it again! That if you finished 2nd in a race, you can win it this time. So what if your heart broke once? That it’s twice as strong this time round!
Realization is what looking back offers. There can be no learning from life without looking back at it. One looks back to see himself in a sea of situations through which he swam across. You recapitulate the times when you were drowning unless a wave came past and pushed you forward. You learn that you could’ve held on to an ignored straw than gasping for breath! One learns that a friend who is gone was never one. That the one who shattered your heart to reduce you to tears wasn’t worth it. That you should be scrupulous about your belongings before another is cracked or burglarized!
‘Looking back’ has meant ‘moving ahead’ for me. For moving ahead without learning and realization from the past will mean drowning in the ocean without knowing the way to stroke through it. Looking back in life has told me how far I’ve come. What satisfaction would it be to climb a hill top if it’s not for looking back at the depth? Little gifts which life once offered, when looked back at, seem no less than gift hampers!
Most importantly, looking back makes me stronger to face tomorrow, for I know the past and I live in the present.
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